September 6th, 2005

mushishi - mushi

Can't sleep, RP characters won't shut up

What the hell? We've been playing this Shadowrun campaign since when? March? Something like that. Since March. And now, a month before I'm leaving to go away from my gaming group for a year, that is when I decide to get a huge kick out of the game?

Not that it wasn't fun before, but this is ridiculous. It's not just Nik, who I've been playing all along. No, he's actually surprisingly docile. But then Angel had to get involved in the game, and now he won't shut up. It's not that he's being loud loud - he's just just very, very insistent. And I try to distract myself from him, and along comes Kagekaze, who I haven't played for years and years, and who wasn't even my own creation - I applied for him in a game on Dumpshock Forums, and hammered out a couple of details with the GM, but I didn't come up with him. So what is he doing in my head now? I know he had a lot of angst potential, and I know the game died a sad and premature death, but... now? It's the middle of the night! I need my sleep!

(Kit... is there too. But it doesn't surprise me, because ever since I played her for that first year of regular gaming she's had a little corner of my mind to herself, and I'm fine with that.)

*grumble*

Damn characters. You think you create them, but I don't know. Some of them just seem to appear of their own accord, and once they're there and you've played them, they just won't go away. But usually they're much more distant and quiet than this! Agh! I'll never be able to get any sleep now.

No, I'm not going mad. This is perfectly normal for gamers. I think. I hope. ^^;

And I bitch and whine, but you know I love all the people living in my head, and wish I could play them all the time. ♥ (What, NO! I'm not insane just because I have people living in my head. Everyone does. ...right?)
mushishi - mushi

Nostalgia & stuff

Ack. Suffering from an acute bout of nostalgia, coupled with the feeling that there are so many cool people out there on LJ that I would love to talk to, but am just too shy/boring/uninteresting to approach. Sigh.

I wonder why this is happening right now? Maybe something to do with clinging to the safe and known past now that I'm coming ever closer to heading off into the unknown? Got my tickets yesterday, so I know I'm leaving now. I have everything I need. On October 2nd, I'll take the bus to the airport, and they will let me board, and then I'll step off the plane and be in Japan. For almost a year. Yeah... No wonder the past is feeling so compelling right now. The past doesn't usually surprise or challenge you. (At least not the kind of past I'm thinking of specifically here.)

I miss Dumpshock. I miss the people I used to hang out with there. I miss the SR Writers' Forum, even though I was too shy to do much more than lurk there. I miss other random places I've been on the 'net through my nine years here, and I miss people I haven't communicated with for years.

There's even this desire to go and seek out new friends, or get in touch with old acquaintances, but like I said - I don't really feel bold enough to do that right now. Don't know if I ever will, and it makes me feel like I'm missing out...
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