October 1st, 2005

going merry - dreamship

Leaving home

I had never thought leaving would be easy, but I don't think I had imagined just how... strange it would feel. Sad and excited and terrified and optimistic all at once, and I've cried once tonight, after saying goodbye to two of my closest friends, but I know I'm going to cry more. I'm not usually much for crying, but now I can feel them, so many tears wanting to get out. And still, it doesn't feel... overwhelming. I'm still dealing with all the details of packing and cleaning the apartment and finishing my book. The small stuff doesn't go away just because the world is changing, for me and for him.

My flight leaves Stockholm Arlanda airport tomorrow at 15.30. I land in Osaka, Japan, on Monday 14.55 local time.

After that I'm making my way to gnine's place. Hopefully. I'm... not scared, but not exactly super confident either. It's hard to mess up, but not impossible, and I don't speak enough Japanese to get by if I should get lost. Sumimasen, eigo o hanashimasuka? is probably the best I'd be able to do... But then I tell myself that this is Japan, and not the middle of the Amazon jungle or the Sahara. Getting lost won't mean death by snake or starvation. There will be people there, and if I wander around looking lost and helpless and asking for help, they won't just point and laugh, and so the worst that can happen is that I will need help from someone, and I'll need lots of help from others if I want to get anything out of this year, so... Yeah. Not scared. Just... terrified? ^^; (Logic helps while I'm doing the logic-ing, and then when I stop being logical and start feeling again, it all scatters, like a dandelion puff in a gale.)

Okay. Yes. Have to pack now. I'm hoping to get internet pretty soon, but I'm only moving in on October 4, and I don't know how long it'll take after that. If I don't have much time I'll probably update my Japan blog first, since that's the blog my family reads. So keep an eye on that if I don't show up here for a while.

Wish me luck!
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